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A Long time ago in a web site far far away… Ok it’s just me, Drunkun Jedi from Axeowners Entertainment Now I am here to bring more excitement and thrill-o-matic debates to open your eyes on a few subjects, with me on the streets getting your views. We’ll have rural hoe’s and compound bows… we’ll have seagull cull views and holiday maker news, not a one sided load of rubbish that makes your eye lids droop… when I’m finished each week your eye lids will be having panic attacks!
This weeks thrilling instalment...
Greetings fellow town’s folk, today I bring to you all the first episode of hopefully many. As you can possible guess by the title, it is all about the clear and present Seagull problem that quite a number of local resident’s, holiday makers may or may not agree there is. This is precisely why Axeowners Entertainment is gearing up for some serious intelligence gathering operations, yes you got it…Drunkun Jedi is on the case. First I think we should look back at some of the Seagull’s history (don’t worry too much I will keep it brief). Any of more than 40 species of heavily built, web-footed seabirds (family Laridae) can be found on our side of the penny. The type’s we mainly wish to look into and discuss are called the Herring Gull or its proper name of Larus argentatus and the common gull …shite hawk. There are between 70,000 and 150,000 breeding pairs of these types of birds in our coastal regions and islands all over the UK, producing up to 5 eggs a hump. Seagulls live up to 30 years. OK now due to the shear amount of people that have had a say about this, and the fact I would be typing on my keyboard until the end of time if I were to transpose all the interviews, I shall just present to you a summary of what the fors and againsts are. Fors: These birds have lived and bred along the Jurassic coastline since they have been inexistence, they indeed do have just as much right as we do to live in this area. First feeding on fish, worms and carrion, both the common seagull and the herring gull have been affected by our presence more than we have by theirs; the rubbish that they now prefer has been generated by almost all of us at some point or another. How can we persecute them for eating our waste…we taught them how to! There are more examples of God’s creatures that are as equally as guilty of being a nuisance, why is it that they get away with it when the gulls might not? Because they are mostly human! Againsts: (please note that I couldn’t transpose quite a lot of what was said on this part, but after sifting through the usual cola and bread bulls**t, we found the truth.) They possibly could spread disease through ripping rubbish bags, and the now very real threat of bird flu, and secondary the inconvenience it causes. Almost every housing estate around Bridport has, on bin day, ripped bin bags and rubbish spewed everywhere. The very menacing 'kee-ya' sound they make while protecting their young or eggs, and then you know that an attack is imminent. These attacks can range from a simple ‘swoop and shit’ that the young and inexperienced gulls perform to the full on proper ‘eye gouge and wing flap’ that a hardened gull can perform. People are definitely at risk from these birds, through disease to actual physical attacks. Youngsters more intent on eating their chips or ice creams have only their guardians or parents to protect them, why should they expect to get attacked at such an early age? Parents everywhere should see this as a high risk when walking the coastal walk. Drunkun’s Summary: There were more valid comments from loads of Bridport town folk, but I think the above provides a valid argument for and against. To summarise everything we have heard so far in my own words…AxeOwners style. Seagulls have a right to live here just as much as we do, they’ve always lived on the coast, and besides, I have always loved the way that they dance on the grass after a rain cloud has burst…I know it’s the simple things, but hey, I am a clown. And then there is the small fact that it’s our garbage ridden polluting asses that have caused them to move inland and be a damned nuisance…stop throwing your dirty nappies and half eaten kebabs in the streets…Stop feeding the blighters! I’m a nuisance when I’m drunk beyond belief… do I get culled? Umm no I don’t (well not lately anyway). But on the other side of looking at it, most of us consider ourselves at the top of the food chain, and there are plenty of gulls around, check out the facts at the beginning of this, we could never totally destroy the gull species by culling a few problem gulls each year…it would keep the streets clear of ripped open bin bags and the children (most importantly) would be safe. But then again with bird flu looming over our country like an acid cloud, we all may have no choice soon. Looking on the more humane side of it, we could capture the birds and relocate them to somewhere they would be safe, say a bio dome in outer space. I hope you have enjoyed "Bridport: A new hope - The Seagull strikes backs!" Hopefully you did and I will return, but for now here is Drunkun Jedi on behalf of AOEN …signing off. Leave your comments on related article "CULL THE GULL"
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