Ever attempted to travel up or down Skilling Hill Road in anything other than a pair of roller skates? Doesn’t it make you wonder how those “traffic calming measures” actually calm traffic? On the face of it, this veritable Krypton Factor of a road has done nothing but force traffic uncontrollably over kerbs right on the doorstep of a busy primary school. The leisure centre on the other hand can suffer because, quite frankly, if you are going to walk/jog to and from leisure centres then you’re digging an early grave anyhow.

The ‘National Road Safety Agency’ has issued this handy diagram to ensure safety at all times.
As you can see from the “use skilling as a shortcut to North Allington” route, a staggered sweep to the right will hopefully avoid the on coming “maybe no one will recognise me in Morrison’s” route.

Skilling me softly

Without recognising the oncoming driver, a quick snap of the wheel to the left will send you around the second island, into the direct path of the “I only wanted a quick swim” route, so to avoid the disgruntled swimmer, veer slightly to the right.

Now, if you’re still alive, cling to the right and whip around the last island in one swift movement into Alexandra Road. If you are unfortunate enough to meet the “Let’s get the hell out of here” route, close your eyes and imagine Colmer’s Hill with a sunset. If you open them again, conduct a 3 point turn at the junction and follow the “Let’s get the hell out of here” route to the Bypass, or Eype’s Mouth, where I hear there is some good dogging to be had.

Now if all this seems unachievable, call the coast guard who will airlift you to safety, possibly somewhere above sea level and not built by Wyatt Homes.