Santa is dead, Flying Squad Supersleuth Inspector Manhole is continuing the manhunt for a Bridport Cyclepath named The Bat. “We had a call from a distressed parent who heard a single shot in or around the Dr Roberts Close area, the concerned parent ran into the close to find the body of a difficult –to-put-an-age-to old codger dressed in red ermine, “It sounded like the shot came from a 7.62mm C3A1 sniper rifle, probably Canadian issue.” Said the informed parent,
Grieving Bridport Boy
Suspect Santa’s vehicle, a sleigh, was close by, the radio and the sat-nav were missing and it was up on bricks, Inspector Manhole added ”Only one person in Bridport uses a 7.62mm C3A1 sniper rifle, Canadian issue, that man is The Bat.”
Ace Reporter Bridport Radio’s ace reporter Scoop Doggy Style asked the inspector if they were looking for anybody in particular in connection with the sleighing, “Are you looking for anybody in particular in connection with the sleighing? (good joke used twice) “We have had ‘undreds of calls from the public, one name has cropped up on several occasions, that name is…The Bat.”
The Bat Or is it?
Not Prepared My year as a reporter on Bridport Radio did not prepare me for this news, my flabber lay gasted at the end of the day, I ain’t being funny but, love a duck. Our very own The Bat, there must be some terrible mistake, I decided to track down The Bat and get his side of the story, my search led me to a disused building in Bridport town, The Bat asked me not to reveal it’s location, once at the institute opposite the church on East Street and next to The Chapel in the Garden near The Cuddy Restaurant and that really good newsagent with Sandra the best newsagent in Bridport I was bound and gagged and forced onto the roof, I WAS IN THE LAIR OF THE BAT, it wasn’t a cave, it was a lair. He told me he had been fitted up.
Fitted Up “ I have been fitted up.” Said The Bat.
Never done it “I never done it.” Said The Bat.
Out “I was out.” Said The Bat.
Having Dinner “I was out having dinner wiv’ me mum, it was her birfday.” Said The Bat.
Coming with me While The Bat was pleading his innocence I was secretly rubbing my shackles against the wall , once free I made my move “you are coming with me, it’s best for the Nation and it’s best for Bridport” A struggle ensued and With that The Bat leapt from the top of the building and flew off into the night, before he leapt he screamed “No bastard reporter is gonna take me alive!.”
The manhunt continues… I still carry the scars…
Reward Have you seen The Bat? A MikkiMug has been offered as a reward to the first person to reveal his whereabouts.
I think you'll find that in those days, grid references were printed in Roman numerals: EXXXIVVIVIVLCX NIXCLXVI II VC L WEST C IVC NORTH. In addition, due to the chemicals used to fix photographs back in early 1900s. There is a percieved error margin of at least 2.7 degrees in any direction. Mr Haines could well have passed wind as the photograph was being taken, causing the image to blur in the haze. This can also account for another 2 degree error margin.
Posted by The Bat, on 18-12-2006 14:51,
I think that the most probable explanation for so few arrests is that the police really have no idea who the main drug pushers are and are targeting the well known users in an attempt perhaps obtain a grass! Who of course they pay money to or bribe out of conviction in exchange for information, so that they can then go out and buy more smack! The police in my opinion are as underhanded as the culprits! - Merry christmas everyone!
Posted by bogbeast, on 18-12-2006 19:01,
You'll be pleased to know that we as in [tax payers] from whatever political side are paying for those. Cos the majority are on benefits. Maybe we should boycot payment to all but the most modest and tasteful? Or ask them to choose between a reduction in their disability allowance- or commonly known as being fat,chain smoking and lazy
Posted by The Bat, on 21-12-2006 21:52,
I hope you didnt drive on the road with no number plate,insurance,lights,road sense. Sorry, i forgot thats how their normally driven !!
Posted by Brengirl, on 29-12-2006 02:00,
I think that the lanlords/ladies of all palmers pubs should be elevated to hero staus for being prepared to work themselves into near and/or probable bankruptcy so we can all moan about the crap, over-priced beer and so that palmers can tuck another few grand away at the expence of the local population and the sweat of their honest hard working slaves (oops I meant tennents).
Posted by Rosieo6, on 03-02-2007 18:37,
I know there are a few car related ones but prompted by my journey to work; people who drive a 40mph everywhere people who drive with their fog lights on in all weathers, especially yougsters in crap cars who think leaving their front fog light on makes them look cool, whilst blinding everyone else!
Posted by Ivor Bigun, on 09-03-2007 23:33,
I bet a lot of the local crims hope their still getting into peoples houses when their 164 years old,just like Santa used to!!
Santa is dead, Flying Squad Supersleuth Inspector Manhole is continuing the manhunt for a Bridport Cyclepath named The Bat. “We had a call from a distressed parent who heard a single shot in or around the Dr Roberts Close area, the concerned parent ran into the close to find the body of a difficult –to-put-an-age-to old codger dressed in red ermine, “It sounded like the shot came from a 7.62mm C3A1 sniper rifle, probably Canadian issue.” Said the informed parent, 
My year as a reporter on Bridport Radio did not prepare me for this news, my flabber lay gasted at the end of the day, I ain’t being funny but, love a duck. Our very own The Bat, there must be some terrible mistake, I decided to track down The Bat and get his side of the story, my search led me to a disused building in Bridport town, The Bat asked me not to reveal it’s location, once at the institute opposite the church on East Street and next to The Chapel in the Garden near The Cuddy Restaurant and that really good newsagent with Sandra the best newsagent in Bridport I was bound and gagged and forced onto the roof, I WAS IN THE LAIR OF THE BAT, it wasn’t a cave, it was a lair. He told me he had been fitted up.
While The Bat was pleading his innocence I was secretly rubbing my shackles against the wall , once free I made my move “you are coming with me, it’s best for the Nation and it’s best for Bridport” A struggle ensued and With that The Bat leapt from the top of the building and flew off into the night, before he leapt he screamed “No bastard reporter is gonna take me alive!.”
