FRUIT CAKE RECIPE:

One Cup Water
One Cup Sugar
Four Large Eggs
Two Cups of Dried Fruit
One Teaspoon of Baking Soda
One Teaspoon of Salt
One Cup of Brown Sugar
Lemon Juice, Nuts
One Bottle of Whiskey (High Quality)

METHOD:

Sample the whiskey to check for quality. Take a large bowl. Check the whiskey again. To be sure it is the highest quality, pour one level cup and drink. Repeat. Turn on the electric mixer. Beat one cup of butter in a large fluffy bowl. Add one teaspoon of sugar and beat again. Make sure the whiskey is still okay. Cry another tup. Turn off the mixer. Break two leggs and add to the bowel and check in the cup of drier fruit. Mix on the turner. If the fried druit gets stuck in the beaterers pry it loose with a drewscriver. Sample the whiskey to check for tonsisticity. Next, sift two cups of sale, or something. Who cares? Check the whiskey. Now sift the lemon juice and strain your nuts. Add one table. Spoon. Of sugar or something. Whatever you can find. Grease the oven. Turn the cake tin to 350 degrees. Don't forget to beat off the turner. Throw the bowl out of the window. Check the whiskey again and go to bed.

The Bat