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Fruits of the Erth




CHINLESS WONDERS E-mail
 

Human species turning into chinless wonders.  Evolutionary theorist Oliver Curry of the London School of Economics expects a genetic chinless-super-upper-crust class and a dim-witted-chavvy underclass to emerge. The human race would peak in the year 3029 precisely, he reckons - before a decline due to dependence on technology.

Image
Vic Reeves and him off of Fantasy Island
The descendants of the genetic chinless-super-upper-crust class would be tall, slim, healthy, attractive, intelligent, chinless, and creative and a far cry from the "underclass" humans who would have evolved into dim-witted, ugly, squat goblin-like creatures.

Race 'ironed out'

But in the nearer future, probably 2010 humans will evolve into lanky giants between 10ft and 17ft tall, he predicts, negating the need for hanging basket hosepipe extenders and firemans ladders. while life-spans will have extended to 360 years, Dr Curry reckons.

Physical appearance, driven by indicators of health, youth and fertility, will improve, he reckons, while men will exhibit symmetrical facial features, look athletic, and have squarer jaws, deeper voices and bigger penises, no change there then.

Women, on the other hand, will develop lighter, smooth, hairless skin, large clear eyes, massive breasts, be more passive, open to suggestion, compliant, have glossy hair, smaller feet so they can get closer to the sink and even features, he reckons. Racial differences will be ironed out by interbreeding, producing a uniform race of coffee-coloured people, my favourite, ginger will be a crime.

Heres The Science Bit; Receding chins

Social skills, such as communicating and interacting with others, could be lost, along with emotions such as love, sympathy, trust and respect. People would become less able to care for others, or perform in teams. Come on Engerlarnd.

Strictly come Ballroom would disappear from our LCD TV'S. Physically, they would start to appear more juvenile. Chins would recede, as a result of having to chew less. Further into the future, sexual selection - being choosy about one's partner - was likely to create more and more genetic inequality, reckons Dr Curry, bring it on.

The logical outcome would be two sub-species, "gracile" and "robust" humans similar to the Eloi and Morlocks foretold by HG Wells in his 1895 comedy book The Time Machine.

"While science and technology have the potential to create an ideal habitat for humanity over the next millennium, there is a possibility of a monumental genetic hangover over the subsequent millennia due to an over-reliance on technology reducing our natural capacity to resist disease, or our evolved ability to get along with each other, reckoned Dr Curry.

He carried out the report for men's satellite TV channel Men and Motors +1

Plagarised and bastardised by ace reporter Scoop Doogy Style.


 


Users' Comments (3)

Posted by Astrantiger, on 27-11-2007 18:18,
So when does evolution catch up with Bridport? Look at Bucky Doo, the place is full of freaks and weirdo's, even vegetarians (destroying the ozone layer with methane rich emissions)....roll on evolution.
 

Posted by tuzo, on 11-12-2007 10:33,
well thats the very thing (rustic)... You gather your material and theme it, package it and sell it on.. and it is consumed by the innocents. Its called ""depraved appetite"" when dogs so this(but please if you have to... look this up AFTER you have had your breakfast!!!
 

Posted by , on 11-12-2007 18:32,
Escalating house prices? Knotted Hill - on - Sea? Stop ""born & bred Bridportians"" from flogging their vastly over-priced bijou villas to over-paid City types? They couldn`t afford their own homes in Portugal,Spain or France then-could they??? A second home has the same effect on the local economy where-ever it may be-nothing but bad news !
 

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