Bridport Town Hall: 5:45am 3rd October 2008
 An incredible event took place recently in our beloved Bridport, a Rocketman took to the skies and broke the world record Town Hall to Colmers Hill speed record, previously held by Dave Carter in a Citroen Saxo VT with Halfords dump valve and fibre glass body kit. 45 year old Jake Kerplunksky of East Melplash was helped up the narrow flight of stairs leading to the clocktower by his team of technicians.
The flight controls were checked and checked again, solid fuel boosters were made live, TomTom on, the tension builds, Kerplunksky, a supermarket commodity transportation technical operative (trolley repairman) has been planning this launch for the last three years. “I’ve been planning this for three years” said Kerplunksky. The son of a migrant Chechnoserbopolishirish vegetarian he didn’t get off to the best start in life. His motto is: “To Colmers Hill and Beyond”
Lift Orf.Kerplunksky explained the intricacies of the flight plan in detail.
“I jump off the clocktower and fly to Colmers Hill, checking out the new Tchibo range at Scummerfields as I fly past, I aim for the catcher nets on Colmers, should take about 3 minutes, job done” 5 4 3 2 1 HignitionThe technical team help the Rocketman balance on the clocktower railings, a small igniter charge is inserted into the propellant chamber and is struck by a small toffee hammer, the engines begin to scream, the simple pulse jet making a deafening sound, the technicians hang on to Kerplunksky as they achieve full thrust, he is released, the rocketman shooting vertically towards space, he begins the sharp bank left enroute to West Street and Scummerfields, the TomTom sat nav working faultlessly. What a sight, a man and a rocket working together as one, beautiful to behold. 
Another Bridport Success Bell X-1 (my favorite color) Happy Lidlsssssssss
“Hopefully not over the hill!” quipped the intrepid sky traveler. “My next mission will be to launch from West Bay’s new harbourside urban development and fly to the new Lidls in town to check out the new Greek range” * Souvenirs A special limited edition (40,000) Rocketman statuettes have been produced to commemorate the inaugural launch of our superhero
Only £499, four installments of £100 over 60 days, typical APR27.5%, remember your Rocketman Statuette may be repossessed if you do not keep up the payments on a mortgage or other loan secured on it, terms and conditions apply texts cost £5 plus your network charges.
Watch this space…….
Another exclusive from our technology correspondent Dr Denzle Mc Science
*Lidls new store opening October 2008 subject to planning consent
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