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 The polls are now closed and the votes have been counted. Bridport Radio can now announce that the winner in our mayoral elections with 39% of the votes is Waldorf & Stadtler! Congratulations sir(s) we hope your reign will be a long and prosperous one.
The presentation of the ceremonial BridportRadio Mikkimug will be announced soon. Read the new mayors acceptance speach here...
Read on for the manifestos and results...
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| Waldorf & Stadtler | | | Doug the Hat | | | Andy Head | | | Denzlepob | | | Draino | | | Sprockley | |
| Number of Voters | : 69 | | First Vote | : Saturday, 13 May 2006 11:25 | | Last Vote | : Thursday, 01 June 2006 23:25 |
Firstly I would give a business rating of zero to all shopkeepers with less than 2 shoppes. I would demand charity shops only sold second hand goodes. Free trade my a~*e. I would allow free parking anywhere in town, I have been to Cairo and they seem to do alright without traffic wardens. I would get rid of those stoopid traffic lights under the clocktower, for they are roobish. I have been to Cairo and they ignore red lights. Morrissons to pay a car parking tax of £1 per car per visit into the town hall coffers, if they don't like it they can sod off back to the Northfordshire whence they came. A limit of 25 coffee shops, bloody things are popping up all over the place. No Eskimos. No yellow lines. No road signs, apart from the one that says "Welcome to Bridders" Pedestrian right of way at all times, if anyone gets run over the driver of the vehicle gets slapped with a £MILLION fine. (at least) No jackets with pictures of animals on them, especially scenes depicting wolves and snowscapes. No more than 3 mobile phone shops per 100 head of population. No more than 3 TV chefs per 1000 head of population. A lifting of all building restrictions for a 6 month period, just to get things to change a bit and get arty farty and poncified. Trams. Phoneboxes. Dog Poo Wardens (use the existing traffic warden with the big boots to fill the roll) Ban the sale and the gobbing out of chewing gum. Citroen Saxo curfew after 6PM. Horse drawn everything. A tax on magazine sellers dogs. Graham at the Post Office as my deputy Mayor. No Limo for me. 21 speed mountain bike. Twin the town with somewhere nice and warm, like, say, The Seychelles, not some crap town in France or Bad Wildungen in Germany. And then a full everyones invited twinning trip for 3 weeks at least in the summer, take the kids out of school and call it edumercational. Vote for me, I won't let you down, - Denzlepob 1. Free up commercial property in the town, the 100 charity shops and 100 hairdressers will be joined to form a Charity Haidressing centre where 20% of all haircut fees go to charity. 2. Instant closure of Morrisons and the building to be converted into a huge ten pin bowling complex (cool!). All current Morrisons staff can work there instead. 3. Criminalise the wearing of any combination of the following items of clothing: Burberry Cap, White Trainers, Gold Jewellery, White Socks, White Tracksuit Bottoms, Sports jacket. 4. Abolish music licenses for public places and pubs. 5. Beat Palmers out of their brewery with sticks and let it be run by "the people". 6. Beat Palmers out of their house(s) with sticks. 7. De-criminalise drinking outside. 8. Remove all traffic calming measures at County Primary and St. Marys schools. 9. Let the Five Penny Farm people stay where they are. They're mixed salad bags are fab! 10. Apply squatter's rights to 2nd homes so that, if left unoccupied over the winter, the cottages provide shelter and comfort to the needy and homeless. 11. £1000 fine for spitting in the street. Zero tolerance (except if you have a bit of baccy on your lip). 12. Remove 50% of zebra crossings in Bridport Town Centre. 13. Remain twinned with St. Vaast La Hogue so that there is always an affordable destination for school kids to be sent to for torture & weapons training. 14. Make the following traits of bad barmanship criminal offences: Favouritism, Indescretion, Aloofness, Chauvenism, Idleness, Boringness, Anality, Ineptitude and Stupidity. 15. The elderly to be moved (or shuffled) to a location at least 1/2 a mile from the town centre. 16. Retirement tax to be introduced. Any retired incomers to be taxed at 50% of their respective pension funds. (this should put the buggers off!). 17. Bridport News to be run by a Bridport Radio team. 18. New Year's Eve celebrations to officially last 2 days and 2 nights, with carnival processions, bands, airshow and a 24 hour long mandatory happy hour. 19. Free Parking Permits available to those who can prove local residency and employment. Everyone else can pay through the nose and fund the new years eve celebrations...(see above). 20. Clintons Cards to be ousted from the town and replaced by a Dominos. 21. Hold the frickin’ Melplash Show on a Weekend! Then maybe I’d go to it! Waldorf & Stadtler. - I draw your attention to Bridport as a tax haven article As mayor my strict border controls will ensure employment and firearms for the stupid.
- Any grockles will have to spend a fortune on anything ensuring a healthy mix of the rich and ignorant.
- Palmers to be replaced by Palminghaven Danish brewers who know how to make nice fizzy beer.
- Smack addicts to get what they want - a smack (and a kicking).
-Any behaviour in public that would offend my grandma ie: kids swearing or shirt off fat northeners in supermarkets to be punishable by a visit to the Dagger
- Oh yeah the Dagger is back!
- One house - one car - only to be used on foreign trips (ie: Beaminster) Kids walk to school.
- No traffic calming just one child per year sacrificed to a car in front of its peers - That'll make 'em look both ways.
- Second home owners to be captured and used as slave labour to build boundry ramparts and Marina.
- Eskimos allowed as they eat "Sea Chicken" If elected Denzlepob and Waldorf & Stadtler to be my advisors and AlfredoBullet to be cultural attache, Colonel Pringle to be commander in chief of Armed Forces You know it makes sense - Vote Draino Open and transparent bribery. You want fast track planning permission, a neat retrospective solution or a lucrative local authority contract? Advance notice of the availability of a plot of prime building land? Want to build on a flood plain or put up a radio mast next to a school? Rules bent or doors unlocked? You don't have to play golf with me, shake my hand funny or happen to be the son of the queen - just bid the biggest bribe. I'll declare the bribe, take 25% commission and the rest can go into a community chest (just like monopoly B rules). Complete embargo on any further roadside signage - unless I get a cut of the whacking great backhander that has obviously been paid to the local authority sign procurement officer. Removal of all current redundant or duplicated road signs by chaining the officer responsible to the pole of each unnecessary sign and issuing them with a blunt hacksaw blade. Ploughing up and grassing over of east/west street tarmac, deliveries to shops etc. by town council owned and run horse and cart. Legalisation of squatting for community benefit of all empty properties, especially those that used to be pubs. Turn blind eye to the natural retail consequences. Retrospective removal of planning permission for retirement home on the high street. Birching of the officer responsible live at the opening of the new cinema entertainment complex. Establishment of the bridport community commando - they come by night and put things right. Townalise the brewery (it's like nationalisation, but more local) and starting making good beer. Compulsory retirement for the (yawn) carnival committee. All major decisions affecting the town's future to be decided via open vote on Bridport Radio. Andy Head - mayor me up and hand me the bribes I wish to nail my manifesto to the mast of this wondrous ship called "Bridport" before the bugger sinks without trace!! There will be a three day bank holiday from April 23rd to 26th, to celebrate St. George day, he is our patron saint and we don't do enough to mark the day and another three day weekend for Admiral Horatio Nelson for defeating the French navy (wot?) During the battle of Trafalgar! I would shoot any member of the building company that rhymes with "cries" after taking all their money and distributing it among the poor and homeless, and anyone who ever worked for them should be deported to some distant land (Beaminster?), and all their tools removed from their possession. I would cull the gull!! I would ban all dogs from all beaches and open spaces, anyone stoopid enough to need a dog should have their own land to turned into a faeces garden, not public spaces. I would destroy all factories making roadsigns with words on 'em, we have a highway code set of road signs which are perfectly adequate. If elected I would hand over my office immediately to Graham at the Post Office, he is after all the best candidate we could wish for to be our mayor, such a good man! I would insist that everyone in Bridders attends at least ONE of Bentley's Nights Out a year and anyone who fails to do so gets deported immediately. Morrisons, Somerfield and the Co-op, should be divided into small old-fashioned shops that sell stuff we need, like good locally grown fresh food not the heaps of crap they try to tempt us all with. Palmers should be made to brew beer or leave town. Traffic wardens should have their pens, and notepads shoved somewhere where the sun don't shine, then they could rightly strut around our town! they are a pain in the butt, so let em know what it feels like! Anyone who doesnt have manners should go back to a special school which specialises in manners, respect and behavioural subjects. Women should wear skirts. People with second homes in the area should have them confiscated and handed to those people who will never earn enough to buy their own and new homes should only be built where there is a need for them, not built for speculative sale. I will live forever so once I become mayor, thats it, no alternative except that I get the right to elect my own mayor when I feel like a change, this is my manifesto vote for me and live a good life and have a larf! thanx for listening. Vote Grumpy ol' git. Firstly I would create a public right of way right the way through the customs and excise building down Gundry Lane. I promise that all true locals will benefit from what ever is in there, at an agreed price of course! Does anyone know what is actually in there or is it a closely guarded palmers secret! Perhaps there is an underground passage to the brewery from there or something! I would abolish police on push-bikes! Yeah!, how stupid do they look! All Traffic Wardens to become 'Boggets' like off Harry Potter! All over worked and under payed dustbin men (who do a fab job who no-one wants to do) to become Knights over night with a 100% pay rise and long summer holidays! All heavily pregnant women to get automatic higher rate sick benefit and a free nanny on the nanny state! 100 new low cost houses to be built in DT6.To include 50% council housing, for working non-smack head local families. The need is great for the right people! Lets not have our younger generations run out by fogies! Vote for Sprockley, the start of a new begining!
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