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Nice one Carlito, an opportunity not to be missed!
RE letter from the "Chairman" of the St Andrews Road Moaning Minnies Arseossiation (about Lidl)3 April;
Dear get a life, you live on a principal "A" road the function of which is to take heavy traffic. Every time you moan it's the same old crap, take my advice shut up or MOVE! A good reason to support Lidl?
PS Is it only me that cringes at the "Thank you all (3 of them) that turned up to suport may garage sale, we raised a fabulous £1.53 towards Coats for Cats in China."
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Posted by Drain0, on 16-04-2008 21:07,
'Ere they changed my bin day, I don't mind recycling but now all me neighbors can see all the empty bottles of booze I leave out (3 boxes of glass, 1 of cans) ...should I be talking to Dr Malicious?
Posted by Beige Bland, on 16-04-2008 21:30,
The post office, what a bunch of darlings, pick any one, there all sweet, I never feel I am imposing on there time. I have been christmas shopping in Regent St in London, in Salisbury, Exeter, Bournmouth etc, I still end up in Frosts, brilliant, specially those little toys under a quid. Now I don't want to be negative, but I found the boss lady in Leakers, "Bossy" and I do feel in her way, the staff are loverly, I think madam should stay upstairs and read the Bridport News !
Posted by andy head, on 16-04-2008 21:33,
Goccibos you are driving your four wheeled opinions on thin ice. The St Andrews Road residents association is the soft cover for an active unit of Bridport community commando. The majority of funds raised by the garage sale went on munitions. You have been warned. Now where did I put that horse's head?
Posted by Spirit, on 16-04-2008 21:39,
DFF (Dorset Freedom Fighters) would like to state that they are in no way associated with "Bridport community commando" apart from a few drinks and plotting... And you thought Spartans were hard, ptoi!
Posted by Rustic, on 18-04-2008 23:47,
Four weeks back, some moaning old toerag wrote in to BN Post Bag bleeting away that after parking on double yellow lines "even though I was just poping into the bank" had received a parking ticket. He then went on to berate the traffic wardens for being over the top gestapo etc etc. What this "cash point cripple" needs to understand is that double yellow lines have a sign next to them that clearly states "No Parking AT ANY TIME". It doesn't say No Parking unless you are just popping into Woolies or stopping for a loaf of bread. If you want to break the law then accept the consequenses.
Posted by Rosieo6, on 20-04-2008 13:32,
Awww Rustic have you no compassion! Must admit I called one several names when he booked a lady for dropping her boy off at football. He said that he had booked her so qiuck as he had keyed her number in before he parked!!! Doesn't this come under the same law as using a mobile phone on the move?
Posted by Drain0, on 20-04-2008 19:02,
While I'm at it - What's all this about closing Flood Lane school, as population inevitably increases we are going to need more of these specialised institutions, not less. Oh... you're going to send them kids to dorch or weymouth - as if the parents and children who use this facility need to be wasting their time traveling. Although I did hear the site is earmarked for a Waitrose superstore... I remember when you only had oranges at christmas.
Posted by goccibos, on 21-04-2008 14:54,
At the risk of adding a second horses head to the rotting one already in my bed supplied by the Bridders Mafia; Compost Extra 17 April:
"Ask a lady if she's 21" I rather like this Morrisons take on selling booze to Chavs, it's great watching the oldies lose their temper with the checkout staff, always cheers me up! and...
"Roundabouts on the Agenda" Now the Councillors are really scratching around. Why not have them sponsored by local supermarkets, Lidl could make their logo in yellow and blue flowers, just think what an entrance it would be! I rather like the traditional car in the middle of the Crown roundabout every Xmas, perhaps they should just let them pile up?
Posted by Carlito, on 22-04-2008 08:22,
Not in response to any particular letters in the postbag but I've been meaning to have a rant since last Wednesday. So here we go...
The national limit is 60mph right? Good. So when you see a round white sign with a diagonal black line through it it means that the national speed limit applies RIGHT? Good. But that doesn't mean you HAVE to do 60mph, because we're all sensible chaps aren't be we eh? Good. OK so we're all clear on that.
So SOMEONE TELL ME WHY AN INCREASING NUMBER OF A***HOLES do the ENTIRE stretch of Beaminster road at the break-neck speed of 32 miles per hour?!
Allow me to name some of the BA**ARDS:
Green Ford Ka C**T Blue Nissan Micra C**T Silver Ford Focus C-MAX C**T White Renault Traffic full of C**TS Peugeot 405 Estate with one C**T at the wheel and two C**T kids in the back.
(censored words above relate to a garment worn over you clothes that keeps you warm in the winter).
These SELFISH AND DANGEROUS drivers commit a number of blood curdling offenses:
1. Ignore the huge queue of vehicles behind them. 2. Make at least 25 other people LATE.
Note: this is a huge influence on the local economy.
3. Slow down to 28MPH with EVERY approaching car and slight bend.
Note: If you confidence behind the wheel of a car is so fragile that two way traffic makes you nervous then you should not only be banned from driving, you should be locked up in a home for special people!
4. When faced with the actual speed limit fo 30MPH at Melplash, continue on at 32 MPH BREAKING the limit. This really boils my blood, it's as if they think their being judged on their AVERAGE speed on the road! ARRGHHH!!!
5. And this was the FINAL straw...
It was 7pm. Heading North between Bridders and Melplash there are two places that you can overtake. The 2nd one relies partially on Extra Sensory Perception and partially on the driver in front not trying TO KILL YOU.
HE was doing 28MPH in a Rover. Yes...a ROVER C**T!
Pulling away from the Gore cross round about I saw him pootling along past the Pymore turning, so...having clocked him as "one of THEM" I floored it and went to overtake so as to avoid being stuck behind the Rover C**T for the next 10 mins. To my sheer amazement this borderline MURDERER stepped on it TOO! We were neck and neck and this guy was literally squeezing every last drop out of his car to stop me from getting past. Well...the bend at the farmhouse was approaching along with a BUS and I had to slam on the brakes and pull in behind.
Once my life had stopped flashing before my eyes and the adrenaline shakes had eased off I was shocked to discover the the C**T in the C**TING Rover had slowed back to 32MPH!
Never before had I understood why people get so angry behind a wheel that they would quite easily bludgeon someone to death with their own limbs but at that point I experienced total and utter clarity.
Because I was attempting to over take, the Rover C**T assumed I was worth killing in a horrific head on collision for my impatience.
F**K seagulls, these 32MPHers need culling. FAST.
Posted by Rustic, on 22-04-2008 12:45,
Normally an advocate of driving slower on our roads and extending love to all I can understand Carlitos frustration at the slow c...s that appear to have no idea that there are other road users out there. May I suggest that in future, and assuming you are fully comp, that you overtake then slow down in front of him/her and then slam your brakes on so he hits the back of your car. Being braced for inmpact, you can jump out yank open his door and before anyone arrives on the scene give him/her a good few punches to the face. Then jump back into your car and pretend to have really bad whiplash and are unable move. When the police and ambulance arrive on the scene you can say that you were driving along and then this guy just ran into the back of you. If he starts waffling on about being punched in the face just scream in agony when they try to get you out of the car. The police will put his or her facial injuries down to them failing to have seatbelt on, and you will receive several thousands of pounds compensation. I know it seems as though I am advocating punching any sex of slow driver but I think it is the only way they will learn.
Posted by tuzo, on 26-04-2008 10:42,
what is this distress people feel on the little road to beaminster? the rush... where are they all going to? I like to look up and see what happened to that tree that witches used to gather by..and see if there is a llama in the field with the sheep..daffodils by parnham house, then you are there, not to difficult....then into the micro cosom that is beaminster.. ah theres the rub!!
Posted by , on 30-04-2008 22:24,
why would anyone want to be in a rush to get to Beemister???????? Unless the pubs shut later there than in Lidlport!!!
Posted by Rustic, on 12-05-2008 04:13,
I saw a sign offering manure for sale at £2.50 a sack full. Although I could see a business opportunity I thought that it was a criminal amount of money to ask, until I tried to fill a sack myself. Phew! there must be a couple of weeks work there. I have half a sack-full if any-one is interested..
Posted by tuzo, on 17-05-2008 13:18,
i got rid of a fifteen foot pile of manure, and a herd of goats (plus billy) by putting an ad in the local paper FREE (you would be amazed at the things people think they want when you put the word FREE in) Goat were wild, and teaching the horses bad habits.
Welcome to ComPost Bag - it's where you can reply and respond behind the comfort of your anonymity to whatever has been published in the Bridport News Post Bag.
