Relaxed gambling laws, cheaper beer and fags, banks with high interest rates, no import/export restrictions, no more silly town councils, in fact, no more silly local government at all! Let us picture it for one moment; The rural charm of West Dorset, the cosmopolitan edge of Dubai, the class of Monaco, the lack of road laws of The Isle of Man, the lifestyle of the rich for ALL! The transference of all public services to private, local companies, creating employment and producing a better service.

The Cayman Islands, Dubai, Monaco…the list goes on. Why not start a campaign to make Bridport & Westbay a tax haven?

The new marina (of course!) will be created by channelling rising sea levels into a custom made inlet to avoid flooding West Bay, up as far as St. Mary’s in South Street and, in the process, we’ll convert Castle Square / Doctor Roberts close area into an under water “world of mystery” beneath the pontoons and luxury yachts.

Bridport will eventually only be accessible by mono-rail, helicopter, private jet and boat when Caravaners, drivers over 65 and boy racers are banned from the approaching ‘A’ roads, and Chideock, rather than receiving it’s long awaited by-pass will instead have it’s stretch of the A35 converted into a runway and landing strip. Let’s face it, rich nautical (and aero-nautical) pursuits will bring in more cash to the area than a bunch of dirty caravans and a handful of white-trash families from Wolverhampton.

You think property prices are high now? Well we haven’t seen anything yet! We can expect see damp, inhabitable wooden shacks being sold for ½ a million pounds, no wait…TWO million pounds! As current projections prove, the only area to lose out on property value is Chideock. But what they lose in value, they gain in air miles!

Earl of Sandwich

So, all we need to do now is work out how to do it. First, we need an acronym! Because all organisations that have any idea what they’re doing have an acronym right? OK. So how about BROTHS (Bridport’s Radical Organisation for Tax Haven Status) or something. Then we need to pick a ludicrously rich leader who will head-up the finances for the campaign. How about the Earl of Sandwich? He lives around here… he must be minted!

Then we need to fill in the application form. Not sure where we get this but I expect it goes along the lines of: “We, the undersigned, do hereby apply for the town Bridport and neighbouring Westbay to become a tax haven among the British Isles. Thanks very much indeed.” I expect we’ll have to wait for up to 28 days, then get our response! Which is sure to be a good one!

So, the next question is; wouldn’t the offices at Mountfield make a really good trendy winebar/night club?

BROTHS requires YOUR assistance in building a picture for the future. Let’s say goodbye to the smalltime and “Konichiwa!” to your new customers