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Having been watching with close interest at the escapades of Bridport Radio members throughout this site, I thought it vastly appropriate to offer my services as a “Doctor of the broken mind” …an Agony Uncle if-you-will.
I was born in Germany in 1928 where I was raised by my uncle, Dr Helmut von Gross-man Malicious. He specialised in the recycling of dead human skin for the purposes of sporting equipment. One of his most well known breakthroughs was the use of human elbow skin for the covering of early squash balls. It was thought to be harder-wearing than any other naturally forming material on earth.
When he was arrested in 1953, I moved to England and became obsessed with the place. I developed a hatred for humanity whilst staying with distant relatives in a place known as the black-country. Since then my only relief from these seething misanthropy is to help and assist where possible. A paradox, if ever there was one. But one you will come to understand with my guidance!
May I invite you all to come to me with social quandaries, personal issues, moral dilemmas and even the occasional health problem or two and I will do my best to advise you in a clear, concise and proper manner.
I look forward to hearing from you…THE DOCTOR IS IN.
Having observed some poor woman at Malaga airport having to unload her personal belongings from her bag at the check-in, because the bag was slightly over the weight limit, it occurred to me how unfair the airlines are being with regard to weight on aircraft.
I, fortunately weigh around 11 stone and the guy behind me was at least 17 stone and would probably take up two seats if he could get away with it.So why does my baggage allowance have to coincide with his? Why am i paying the same fuel taxes as he is? Why is there not a scale that weighs the passenger and his/her baggage? then according to the weight indicated, the charges should be on a sliding scale and charged accordingly. Surely that would be fairer than the system used at present?
I cannot understand how the British people put up with such inequality and unfairness, what happened to the fight we used to have? Have they at last managed to drain it from us by changing the rules so often that we are in a state of confusion? I mean, we can no longer find anything on our beaches without being arrested nowadays too!! The country is gone potty damnit, dragon
Mary Griffin from the Dorset Echo has jumped on the band wagon with an article (imaginativley entitled "Town has become 'Notting Hill-on-Sea'") that quotes this website heavily but does not mention its name. Our point was we didn't like Bridport being represented as Notting-Hill-On-Sea, but now, we're being represented as a bunch of pitchfork-wielding angry villagers.
Could not one of our local supermarkets introduce a 'chap only' till ? I am fed up to the back teeth of having to stand behind some woman who is incapable of paying for her groceries BEFORE she packs them away.
The latest newspapers to wipwop the "Notting Hill-on-Sea" nefarious nonsense into their rags are the London Evening Standard and the Sheffield Metro, gleefully telling their towny readership to snaffle up properties in the area before house prices go through the stratosphere. So that's it kids either stay with your parents / in winter lets, or go somewhere else to live... I hear properties in South Wales are still reasonable.
Val Temple from Sargeant Bun Bakery in Weymouth has come under fire from jobsworth trading standards officials this week, apparently her sugar marizipan confections contained no pork and her robin cakes contain no red breasted birds at all. Well BridportRadio's poet laureate Ma Baker will sum up this ridiculous affair for you...
At the risk of being boring... Did you see the Independent on Sunday this last week? The Review section six page spread. "Oh we do like to be beside the seaside.....Not long ago, Britain's coastal resorts were a byword for shabbiness and neglect. Now says Oliver Bennett, they're some of the hottest destinations in the UK. Overleaf, we reveal how 12 of the best were put back on the map" Guess who is number 7 on the list. (after number 6 Weymouth!)
Carlito says... "Something needs to be done about…
40 MPH MORONS
Place: Beaminster Road, Time: All the bloody time! Why oh why oh why do a VAST majority of idiots cruise along the Beaminster road at the break-neck speed (I’ll break their bloody necks speed) of 35-40 Mph. The National Speed limit is 60 and this is TWO WAY TRAFFIC. What is their problem??? It’s not just OAPs either!! There is one Ford Ka in particular that, on route through Melplash (at 20MPH, may I add), will not accelerate on leaving the village and retains that speed all the way to Bridport. Surely this is ILLEGAL!???!
WEST BAY
It’s a DUMP. Excluding East Beach and the old part of the harbour, West Bay should be napalmed off the map as far as I’m concerned. Over-priced chip-butties, crabby over-priced pubs, sky-rats, grockles and mid-age-crisis-bikers. Have the whole bloody lot strung up. Remember the good ol’ days? 25 pints of Stella in the George (when you could afford it at 1.80 a pint), and off to the West Point Tavern for a few shots before staggering up to Divvies for a Sunday night rock night where only 5 people were there? Art Galleries, tea rooms, hairdressers, bric-a-brac shops, concrete view-destroying monstrosities, Chelsea tractors and an army of Notting Hill-billies. That’s what it is, and something needs to be done about it.
...and another thing... Does everyone get as much unwanted mail as I do. I asked the Post Office to stop delivering it - but I still get loads I don't want. We need to start a campaign in Bridport. What I am going to do from now on is stick all back in the post box once a week and let the Post Office decide what to do with it. Tough luck if you have letters to post. So come on everyone lets start to stop the waste of paper,and give it back to those that posted it through our doors. Any better ideas?
*Sigh* What's worse than calling Bridport Notting Hill-on-Sea? I'll tell you what - calling it "Hughville". The Guardian ran an article last Saturday called "Lets all move to..." and yes there we were again, much to the delight of (and probably sponsored by) estate agents, who seem to be the only ones making anything out of this broadsheet barrage of our beautiful burgh. Read the full article here...
One of the percieved probems of weekenders is that they are pushing house prices up, but who can blame them for wanting a little piece of paradise, these people (Realworld) are not the problem. The problem lies with the fat cat idiot in the local government planning department and his mate the estate agent.
Why do we hear of " Carbon footprints" When it is Carbon Dioxide we are talking about, not carbon itself. The only carbon footprints are left by messy chimney sweeps. Soon, fizzy drinks and lager will be banned as our government tries to feel guilty about our effect on the environment.That means we can be taxed for any thing we want to do which generates geenhouse gases; driving, flying, belching, farting, curry eating etc. Water vapour is one of the greatest greenhouse gases, so expect a tax on clouds soon.
Come and help shape future of Bridport open spaces Two of Bridport’s most important green spaces will feature next week in the BBC’s Breathing Spaces initiative, a national scheme to encourage local people to engage with nature. This will be linked with another national initiative, the Big Wild Read, this year’s Summer Reading Challenge promoting children’s reading through the UK’s libraries, which this year focuses on nature and the environment.
I was born in Germany in 1928 where I was raised by my uncle, Dr Helmut von Gross-man Malicious. He specialised in the recycling of dead human skin for the purposes of sporting equipment. One of his most well known breakthroughs was the use of human elbow skin for the covering of early squash balls. It was thought to be harder-wearing than any other naturally forming material on earth.
(imaginativley entitled "
The latest newspapers to wipwop the "Notting Hill-on-Sea" nefarious nonsense into their rags are the London Evening Standard and the Sheffield Metro, gleefully telling their towny readership to snaffle up properties in the area before house prices go through the stratosphere. So that's it kids either stay with your parents / in winter lets, or go somewhere else to live...
Val Temple from Sargeant Bun Bakery in Weymouth has come under fire from jobsworth trading standards officials this week, apparently her sugar marizipan confections contained no pork and her robin cakes contain no red breasted birds at all. Well BridportRadio's poet laureate Ma Baker will sum up this ridiculous affair for you...
At the risk of being boring... Did you see the Independent on Sunday this last week? The Review section six page spread. "Oh we do like to be beside the seaside.....Not long ago, Britain's coastal resorts were a byword for shabbiness and neglect. Now says Oliver Bennett, they're some of the hottest destinations in the UK. Overleaf, we reveal how 12 of the best were put back on the map" Guess who is number 7 on the list. (after number 6 Weymouth!) 
Why do we hear of " Carbon footprints" When it is Carbon Dioxide we are talking about, not carbon itself. The only carbon footprints are left by messy chimney sweeps. Soon, fizzy drinks and lager will be banned as our government tries to feel guilty about our effect on the environment.That means we can be taxed for any thing we want to do which generates geenhouse gases; driving, flying, belching, farting, curry eating etc. Water vapour is one of the greatest greenhouse gases, so expect a tax on clouds soon.
