16 November 2011
IN WEST DORSET it is possible to scoff away at just about any sort of grub you care to mention. Except for one. I was privileged to be at a gathering of the sharpest and finest minds in Dorset to discuss this very problem just last evening at The Ilchester Arms in Symondsbury. A decision was taken to right this wrong and include the, formerly, excluded. This gap in the market must be plugged and now it will be plugged.
Today I am proud to announce the forthcoming opening of Humanis Carnibus. This will be Dorset’s very first restaurant exclusively for cannibals. If you think the name is a bit of a mouthful just wait till you taste the food! It will be exquisite. Where else can you dine on a plate of the finest l'homme dans le vin rouge or les fesses légèrement grillées I think you would be pretty hard pressed to find a place, certainly in this area you would.
Now that is to be put right. Not only will we be answering a need but we will also be giving a much-needed boost to the local economy. Imagine the vast numbers of extra tourists that will flood into the area simply to relish the joys that our simple establishment will offer.
'West Dorset - Gateway to the Jurassic Coast welcomes careful drivers and cannibals' will be the proud words emblazoned across road signs on every route leading into the area.
The hotels will be bursting at the seams, all the year round, the shops will be buzzing, even on Thursdays and the full-time whiners and objectors will have so much to occupy themselves with that they won’t be able to consider anything else. Everyone will be a winner!
Obviously plans are at an early stage and one or two little problems have to be ironed out but none of that will take very long or involve too much effort. As our strategy develops I will keep you informed of our progress.
This could be the most exciting thing to happen in Bridport since the Vikings went home. More, much more, will follow.
The Red Bladder
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