11 November 2011
NOW I AM going to need an awful lot of help and support with this one but I know that the good people of this town will come flooding forward with offers when they hear of my forthcoming adventure.
In the true spirit of exploration and adventure I intend to set off on an expedition to discover and map the source of the River Simene. I can hear your gasps of amazement even as I write the words but for the sake of knowledge for the sake of our children and for the sake of generations, as yet, unborn it simply has to be done.
Man has always felt the need to discover the unknown and cross the boundaries that others considered unbreakable, I am, I believe, such a man. Hence my undertaking which, I know carries huge risks, but also carries huge opportunities for those who will back the risky endeavour.
I shall set off from a point just north of the weir where the Rivers Brit and Asker meet. Just by the brewery. I trust the staff will give us a hearty send-off and, perhaps, a glass or two of something to sustain us on the first stage of our perilous journey.
Stout-Hearted Men Wanted
I say us since this sort of thing requires a party of stout-hearted men. There will be me, of course, a team of bearers to carry our boat and equipment at times when overland porterage becomes necessary, cooks for our overnight camps, a valet, I think a man should always look his best when undertaking this sort of thing, a navigator and a reporter to record our fearless adventures for posterity. At this stage I don’t plan to take a gun-bearer but will follow advice once I have held a meeting with the District Commissioners for Broadoak and Shave Cross, So that means three or four boats, flat-bottomed would probably be ideal, any offers with those?
Paddle Towards Destiny
Then there will be our camping and cooking gear as well as a ready supply of cheap but shining trinkets to offer, possibly, hostile natives once we get into the uncharted waters to the north of Symondsbury as well as the notorious river pirates of that village.
We shall paddle away from the brewery with heavy hearts but high spirits. On we will press to the confluence of the Bride and Simene behind Arrowfield. There we turn left, or port, enter the Simene and onwards towards our destiny.
Our first overnight stop will be beside the bridge on West Road. On day two we shall forge ahead to towards our final destination and our own fate, whatever that might be.
Join Us
Just the thought of it makes my heart beat faster. Can you help? Will you join us? This could be Bridport’s finest hour. The spirit of adventure and exploration revived and all in our very own town. Doesn’t it make you proud to be British and a son of Bridport? Onward, I say, ever onward!
The Red Bladder
Comments
My contribution to this exceptional adventure would be TWO-FOLD!
FIRSTLY - Should the going get tough-the Tufty gets going.
Sustenance for up to four stout men would be provided by the critters that permanently nest in my beard, along with drips and dribbles which would produce a fine hearty soup.
SECONDLY- My impeccable sense of direction could save us all a lot of meandering. I am perfectly familiar with the whole concept of port, starboard, left, right AND up and down. I have even been able to return from cod bank to west bay harbour using only my accute sense of smell.
THIRDLY- My banjaloolie playing would provide adequate to poor tuneage to keep the campfires burning till well after bedtime, thus providing our expedition with traditional sleep deprivation.
Should my application be accepted I will paddle or march onward with a brave heart.
If not I will go back to bed.
best regards,your friend and mine,
Captain Tufty.
Ps I trust your head is not of the type that will shrink you easily - after all, you never know!
Downside is habit of playing melodeon and singing daft songs but can be kept quiet with distractions.
When do we slip our moorings?
von Boltzen
When do ye plan to leave Capn Bladder?
von Boltzen
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